D DAY THE INVASION Pt 2

The dawn chorus(well, crashing waves, hail rattling the windows and howling winds) signalled the start (1+1) D DAY
As the troops trudged wearily across (1+1) the mess hut (well it was by the time they had left), the officers had settled down awaiting their ”bitches” (1+1) bring forth their breakfasts.
Having eaten everything that was not able to run away, the troops returned (1+1) their quarters (1+1) check their equipment.

Having massed the troops off they set:

"Oh the grand old Commander Scott he had 3 thousand men and he marched them up (1+1) the top of the hill, then he marched them down again (ok in reality he had 30 girls but it didn’t rhyme)"

Anyway, once the troops had reached the top of the hill, they set about removing the camouflage netting (better known as Paula and Tina’s knickers) from the coach.

Within minutes the troops were on board and ready (1+1) roll, well that is until Rob the driver couldn’t remember the way (1+1) go.
A few choice words and a smack around the head with a baseball bat seemed (1+1) jog his memory.

As the battlefield approached, tensions were rising within the battlebus which wasn’t helped by Rob deciding to pull into a McDonalds car park then drive straight out just as the girls were rising from their seats (1+1) strip it bare. (he would pay dearly later for his little jest)

Shortly after midday the troops rolled into the main car park and the screaming hoards disembarked and made a full on attack on the club house.
T’ Yorkshire folk were caught completely by surprise as it looked like we had caught an advance party of 6 girls and 1 officer totally unawares.

Within minutes the troops had captured the Yorkshire camp and set up home.

It wasn’t long before Yorkshire reinforcements arrived and the troops were soon facing mini bodecia’s wearing strange headgear with a winged beast upon their shoulder (ok flat caps and pigeons to those who are now totally lost in this epic story line)

We now come (1+1) the point where a match report would be published, but it was (1+1) long ago and the rugby was not really important.
Suffice (1+1) say honours were even at the end of the day with the U18’s beating the Yorkshire folk into submission and the U15’s being over run by a pack of screaming flat caps

Having dragged their battered bodies from the battlefield the troops showered (yes I know you thought it was a misprint but they did wash) and changed into their cunning disguises ready for a second assault on the Yorkshire encampment.

Some strange looking creatures surfaced from those changing rooms, none more so than the little green goblin who was most indignant (1+1) be referred (1+1) as a goblin as he reckoned he had come as the Incredible Hulk “yeah right O’ Darren of cause you were!!!!!!!!”

The Invasion Force

Officers
Gavin “Miss Bas Vegas 1979” Scott
Phil “Miss Canvey Island 1979” Robson
Paula “118/118” Bates
Darren “The Goblin” Coomer SORRY MEANT INCREDIBLE HULK !!!
Simon “Dangermouse” Hughes
Paul “Shrek” Carmen
Bob “Ozzie Osbourne” Lockwood
Theresa “ WPC 69er” Lockwood
Tina “118 / 118” Turner
Peter “Mad Chef” Turner
Shirley “Cruella” Browne
Phil “Fred Flintstone” French
Tracy “Mother not so Superior” French
Tony “Blues Brother” McClarnon
Tina “Blues Sister” McClarnon
Steve “Batman” Micallef


Supporting troops
Megan “Mini the Minx” Robson
Yasmin “Incredibles” Pemberton
Lucie “Wonder why woman” Woods
Frances “Terminator” Hughes
Abbie “Robin” Cook
Layla “Batman” Pickering
Jade “Snow White”
Alex “The Hulk” Grant
Alice “Superwoman” Wright
Amy “ Mini Mouse” Browne
Jess “ Dopy the Dwarf” Wilkins
Olivia “ Noddy” Stembridge
Ellie “ Pippi long Stockings” Martin
Sarah “Lara Croft” MCB
Tash “ Lady Penelope” Berbank
Emma “ Bat woman” Dorrington
Charlotte “Jack Sparrow” Murphy
Nat “Coco the Clown” McClarnon
Sophie “ Incredibles” Russell
Charlie Ninja Turtle” Micallef
Katie “ Ninja Turtle” Woodland
Sam “Ninja Turtle” Sewering
Emily “Super Mario” Scott
Chivy “Super Mario” Allison
Sam “Bob the Builder” Smith
Jemma “batwoman" Sommers
Sarah “I am a Dalex” Carmen
Cherelle “ I am a Dalex as well “ Alphonse
Rachel “ Bam Bam “French


War Crimes Tribunal

As is the norm following these skirmishes, the U N decided to punish all those guilty of “War Crimes”

The Presiding Judge: Phil “Does my bum look big in this skirt” Robson
Prosecuting Council: Gavin “God I look hot in this skirt” Scott
Defence Council: Simon “ Do these ears look big” Hughes

The usual suspects were hauled before the bench for their part in such heinous crimes as

Darren “Just being Darren”
Paul “Just being Paul

The French’s and The Turners for the unsavoury attire found during a search of their room. (my god there's some sicko's in this world!!!!!!!!!!)


Whilst the prosecuting council outlined the case against each and every person who had the misfortune to be charged with a crime and called for the maximum penalty to be handed down, , the defence council was well, to put it bluntly absolutely useless as not one person got off.
Now we all know in this day and age our courts are normally extremely harsh on offenders and hand out long prison sentences without the basics for all those pensioners who don’t pay their Council Taxes, (and damn right too).
So we adopted the same stance and decided the punishment should fit the crime.

Instalment 3 to follow shortly